You can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family…

I’ve enjoyed reading Jill Savage’s book “No More Perfect Moms” it truly has been an eye opening book for me. In Chapter 5 Jill states that 1+1=14…that’s right you might fall in love with one person, but you marry the family…hence my title, you can pick your friends you can’t pick your family.

I wasn’t looking for a husband when I met mine…neither of us was looking for anything more than a friend. We happened to find each other on the internet (gasp) and had our first date. We hit it off, and enjoyed each other’s company, about 3 weeks into our dating, he was headed to Colorado to interview for jobs, and I was headed to Puerto Rico for work/vacation. We decided that our 2 weeks away would either make or break us. Nearly 11 years later I would say it made us.

Married life hasn’t been a smooth paved road for all of those 11 year, we’ve had our share of ups and downs, and many of them have been in dealing with comments and opinions that certain family members feel that they need to share. Here are a few that stick out in my mind. When as a couple we decided we wouldn’t move our Wedding rehearsal and dinner to an earlier time to accommodate our nieces’ bedtime, or that we wouldn’t move our wedding date when my sister-in-law announced she was pregnant after our date was set. Then there was the multiple page e-mail we received chastising us for having a champagne toast at our wedding reception (no other alcohol was served, and we offered both alcoholic and non-alcoholic champagne), after asking if it would okay prior to doing it, or when we were told that buying a mini-van for our growing family was making poor choices with our money.

I could honestly go on and on…as I’ve said these 11 years have been a challenge, and as hard as I try not to let these comments get to me, it’s really hard not to sometimes. After what I felt was repeated attacks from a family member I questioned the family member and it was stated that “yes she was intentionally mean because she liked to see how we would react”…I can’t go into the gory details that resulted from that comment, but I can tell you, it made me realize that I may love my husband, I may not always love the choices or actions of his family. Don’t get me wrong, my family isn’t perfect, just this past summer my mom dropped a bomb in my life days before an event I had been training for months…not her fault she needed to say it, just not the best timing.

I’m ever so thankful for the friends that I have, and the friends who have gotten me through these 11 years, many of my friends have been there during the years and the nasty comments, and many of them can even relate with their own horror stories of dealing with family issues. I’m continually amazed at how God brings the right people into our lives when we need them, or when then need us. I’ve lost touch with some of my friends since I joined Facebook…it seems like there isn’t a need to talk on the phone or our lives are moving in different directions, and we have different priorities that we did years ago, and other friends who I hadn’t talked to since high school I’ve found again thanks to Facebook...and of course there are the family members who I'm not friends with, because of my choice.

After reading Chapter 6, and taking time to sit and reflect on my different friendships and relationships I have, I’m so glad to know I’m not alone…that everyone has their ups and downs with friends, and despite no longer being in junior high, there are still Mean Girls…sometime I’ll tell my horror stories with the Mean Girl in town.

I can’t tell you how much of this book is so similar to my life…like I said in my last post, I swear Jill is living in my house…and these stories she is telling are really my story.

~Blessings~

I'm not perfect...I'm a Mom.

I'll preface this post with saying I'm not perfect and neither is this blog post...I am a Mom and I do make mistakes...I sort of feel like I am in a support group...you know the type, where we all go around and say our name and our problem.  Okay, enough about that...here is my post...I'm sure I will post again about this awesome book.

I was excited to be part of Jill Savage’s Launch team for her new book “No More Perfect Moms”…was just the boost in my Mommy self-esteem that I needed.  For those of you who don’t know, I had applied weeks ago, and like other things I try for, I tend to forget about them…until I got the e-mail saying I was selected.

The guilt of not being able to be everywhere my kids need/want me to be, while being a “Stay at Home Mom” and still trying to help out financially.  As most of you know I wear a LOT of different hats, I help out some friends by watching their kids when needed, some more permanently and others sporadically, but none the less, I rarely just have my 3 boys home with me.  I teach water aerobics at the Y up to 2 days a week, I speak Spanish on call, and then I own/operate my own baking business.  My days and nights are full with all of my jobs, and I was starting to feel like I was “Momzilla” yelling and generally just grumpy.  I’ve found that this past Christmas spirit wasn’t very joyous for me.  I was simply spread too thin, I was trying to figure out a few health things, and it just wasn’t working. 

I’ve taken the last few weeks to reflect on how I can make me happy…and in turn make my entire family happy…the old saying “If Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy” couldn’t be truer in this house.  I’m starting out this year (2013) feeling like I’m so far off track.  Last year I was so focused on my business, my training and my family and this year I plan on making those my focus as well, but I plan on making myself the top priority.  I don’t want you to think I am selfish…I’ve got some people who declared that years ago.  I just want to take care of me and my mental and physical health so I can take care of those who are the closest to me.    

I’ve started the book…which is a learning curve for me.  I received the book on a PDF file for my new kindle which was a Christmas present from my loving family.  I’m not 100% savvy with it, so I find myself struggling…that and I have other deadlines I face on a daily, weekly, monthly basis.  I’ve convinced that Jill is the “fly” on the wall, and she is really telling my story…but know that with this book, and the help from my Holy Father, I can make it through anything.

Here are some ways you can join in on the fun.

First, begin 2013 with a free boost of encouragement, inspiration, and motivation from Jill and her team by signing up for the No More Perfect Moms 31-Day Email Challenge, which started yesterdat. Subscribe here.

Second, get $100 worth of free electronic stuff by ordering your copy of No More Perfect Moms during the week of February 4-9. The book becomes available February 4 and Moody Publishing and Jill are offering eBooks, audio workshops, and more to everyone who places their orders during the first week of its release, which could help it hit the New York Times Bestsellers List. Win-win. Sign up here for a reminder of the launch date–and to get your free stuff.